Christmas & 4 Letter Words

Hey gang Welcome to our first Christmas story of this series. As you can tell by the title today's story has to do the use of four letter words combined with Christmas. Now as you may know, there are a lot of four letter words out there, both good and bad, that have been in use for as long as Christmas has been around. And I also believe that several of you out there may have used some of those four letter words yourself AND you may have used them in conjunction WITH Christmas. It's OK to admit it, I've been there and I've bought that T-shirt myself.

Four letter words are easy to use, they can describe the feelings we experience at the time we use them. For women to use four letter words at Christmas time they may choose words like shop, save, ring, card, love. As for men, their four letter words may include fine, tool, cars,or work. Teenagers may select words like cool, or game or maybe even tats and of course for the little ones, they too may use four letter words too like toys. As for the retailers their four letter word would be SELL, SELL, SELL. And that my friends is all fine and dandy if those words work well for you. The words that I used for examples all sound like possible good or nice Christmas presents, wouldn't you agree?

Today I want to tell you a Christmas story that has a few choice four letter words in it. Now just for fun, as you read the story, see how many four letter words you can find in this story. Ready? Let's begin. Our story today begins a few years ago in June, Rainman and the family went to St. Louis for his parents 60^th wedding anniversary. One evening while we were sitting around doing our visit, Grandma pulled out her old photo album and everyone was going through it. We found some old letters and papers inside the book. Turns out the papers were Rainman's Great Grandfather's old beer brewing recipes from the prohibition times. Since Rainman and I are vivid homebrewers Grandma let us have them along with a photo of Great Grandpa. It was great to have his old beer recipes but there was one problem, they were all written in German.

Lets fast forward on our story to October when Rainman & I started brewing our annual Christmas beer. For Christmas that year, Rainman wanted to make a new kind of bier. Rainman found someone local who was able to translate Great Grandpa's papers. The recipes looked pretty simple to make, the papers also included some technical processes using some old world style equipment. Now over the summer Rainman had built a particular style of a temperature controlled box for the fermentation of Great Grandpa's recipes and we were going to brew a Christmas bier using all of the old style methods. In case you were wondering why we wanted to do the process this way, well Zig Ziglar once wrote : “What you get by achieving your goal is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.” Our goal was to achieve a beer flavor so good that it would be indescribable.

On a Saturday we brewed up three different 5 gallons recipes of bier. The biers needed to be done in October to allow time for the bier to age properly to complete the intended flavors we would most certainly love. Using Great Grandpa's old techniques, we boiled the brew over an open fire in the backyard. Doing that and a few other techniques we hadn't used before made for an interesting day of brewing. When each batch was completed we had placed the drums of raw beer in the fermentation box and placed air locks on the drums. The box was closed up, the proper temperature was set and the bier was to be left alone for 4 days. That way the little yeast bugs could munch their little hearts out on the sugars in the wort, then fart out some carbon dioxide and piss out alcohol to turn the wort into bier. Now don't freak out about the farting and peeing part, it is the most natural process (other than sex) on earth. After we finished working all day on our 'new' old style recipes, we gave each other a couple of hand slaps to signify that we did a good job on the brew. (Don't you just love all of these four letter words I used?)

Wednesday evening came along and when Rainman arrived home from work, it was time for us to checkout and see how well the bier was processing. Mom wasn't home at the time so Rainman figured now would be as good a time as any to get it done before dinner. So the three of us (me, Rainman and Baby-girl the dog) headed out to the garage/brewhouse. Rainman rubbed his hands together in anticipation prior to opening the door to the fermenter box. At first glance of those full nice, good looking drums of wondrous home made alcohol gave us an exciting chill . He opened the first drum and dropped in the hydrometer tester to check the alcohol content. The reading said the bier was at 4.5% alcohol with another .5% to go, almost ready for bottling. The second drum said the same thing. It was looking like we were going to be doing a lot of bottling on the same night. On the bottom shelf sat the third drum. Rainman looked at the air lock. It didn't show any movement of the excess gas being released from the drum. We took it as it was a good sign that the bier was finished with the fermentation cycle and would be ready for bottling. Good old Great Grandpa's recipe might be working better than we thought. Well, that is what we thought until the drum was opened. Rainman grabbed a hold of the airlock and pulled it from the drum.

What happened next is best described by and should be compared to as a major eruption of Mount St. Helen. This strong fountain of bier and foam roared across the sky from built up pressure caused by a failed air lock. The air lock hole on top of the drum provided the needed vortex to achieve distance that allowed the bier foam mixture to hit two walls, the ceiling, the floor and of course Rainman himself. I was sitting on the workbench across the room and ducked for cover waiting to get hit with flying debris. Rainman of course began to spew a few nice four letter words at the wondrous mess he just created. As I watched, it seemed as though that drum was never going to stop spewing bier everywhere. The only thing I could do was laugh at poor Rainman, who was covered in bier. He looked like he just won a wet T-shirt contest.

Rainman just stood there in shock, I was rolling with laughter on the workbench and Baby-girl, well she was one busy puppy lapping up the bier off of the floor (I was thrilled she was happy to jump in there and help clean up like that). Rainman finally moved, he pulled off his shirt and threw it across the garage. He yelled at me (with a few more choice four letter words)to stop laughing and get him a towel. He began to clean up the fermentation box and reseal the drum. It looked as though about 1/3 of the beer in the drum had erupted. Baby-girl was busy doing her part to clean up the floor, and I have to say she was doing a fine job. Rainman then handed me the mop and bucket to finish up the floor. The more we cleaned was the more the place seemed to be covered in bier. It was the perversion mess from hell. Rainman got to the point that he had to shoo Baby-girl away so he could get the rest of the floor done.

Finally everything was cleaned up, the mop bucket and mop were washed out and Rainman grabbed a clean shirt to put on. He was just in time too because guess who just pulled into the driveway, yeap, you guessed it, it was MOM. And you know what happens when mom walks in and sees an awful mess anywhere in her house. If she had seen the mess that was made, she would have freaked big time and most certainly used a few very special chosen four letter words in her vocabulary. Rainman chased me and Baby-Girl out of the garage and into the house just as Mom walked in the front door, it was perfect timing. We all had our best innocent looks on our faces. (Remember this: You are always innocent until proven guilty in a court of law.)

Everybody went into the living room to sit down, Stacey was asking Rainman how his day went and what was he doing out in the garage. Rainman said that he was just checking on the bier and that it was doing fine. A few more days and it should be ready to bottle. Stacey of course repeated her standard rhetoric of wondering why we go through so much trouble brewing bier when we can just buy it at the store and save the hassle. Rainman and I just looked at each other and rolled our eyes behind her back. If she only knew what had just happened.

Then it looked as though she was about to find out what happened in the garage. I looked in horror down the hallway. There I saw Baby-Girl making a very bad attempt at walking towards us, it was more like trying to walk straight towards mom. The dog was drunk on her ass and was headed for the the one person we didn't want her to be around. Stacey took one look at her dog. Turned her head towards Rainman and demanded to know what was wrong with the dog. Rainman jumped up like he was on springs and grabbed the dog off of the floor. He cradled her in his arms and 'said' that there was nothing wrong with the dog. Rainman sat back down on the couch still holding the dog while Stacey reached over to pet her. Thank God Stacey didn't get any closer to the dog than she did, because just as sure as God make little apples, she would have smelled the alcohol on the dog's breath. Like two school boys waiting in the principal's office, both Rainman & I were sweating bullets just knowing we were about to get busted.

But then Stacey asked Rainman “Why are you holding my dog? You know that is my dog, give her to me.” I thought “oh $#%& (four letter word) we are so busted.” So what does Rainman do? He hands her the dog, Stacey took one whiff of air and smelled the evidence, “Did you give my dog bier? What did I tell you about giving her bier? Didn't I tell you not to do that?” Oh $#%&, (four letter word)she is on a roll now. But somehow, she stopped squawking and just gave Rainman a dirty look, then handed the dog back to him. The dog just laid (more like passed out)on his lap with her head hanging over the edge. Finally mom let it go and got up to start some dinner in the kitchen. Talk about breathing a sigh of relief.

Rainman made sure to hold on to the dog until dinner time, he didn't want the dog to stagger into the kitchen and restart trouble he/we didn't need. By the time dinner was over, the dog seemed to do a little better with her walking and we each sighed a big relief. Fast forward to a few months later and it was finally Christmas Eve. It was time once again for the Meinhardt's annual Christmas party. The home brew of Great Grandpa's recipes was a huge success. The bier had turned out better than we ever expected and the party was hopping that night. Rainman had people constantly asking him where he came with the recipe. Of course he told them the story of finding the recipes and then bored them to death with how he built new equipment and all that. Now it was after I had a few cold biers myself that my tongue loosened up and I let it slip out as to how the fermentation process went and went into detail about the after effects Baby-Girl experienced as our unofficial taste tester. I could tell by the roar of laughter from everybody they all thought it was funny. All except for mom, she had daggers in her eyes for both Rainman and I over that poor dog, but at least she graciously reserved our beheadings until after the party.

That party was so much fun that we marked it down as a party to remember for a long, long time as a really great Christmas. As I finish up this story and prepare to start the next, I'm looking over at the several cases of home brew we have ready for this year. So if you are in the area, stop on by for a damm good cold beer for Christmas, we would love to see you. And always remember the wise words of Grandma: Keep your words soft and sweet, for one day, you may have to eat them.

Ride Hard or Stay Home

Pig

Happy Thanksgiving

Greetings to you all from pig land. It is good to have you back. Today is the great day of Thanksgiving. A day when we all take a moment to thank God for all the many blessings He has given us each and everyday. I always like to take a moment before we eat our dinner and just give Him a moment of my time to just say 'thank you'. I am thankful that I have a roof over my head. I am thankful I have food in my belly. I am thankful I have a job and can provide the best that I can for my family. And most of all, I am thankful for the love of a family.

Life has never been meant to be easy. We all struggle with something everyday in our lives. It is good to be able to pray about those struggles and ask God for the help we need. The funny thing about that is, sometimes we don't open our eyes and see how God has helped us and blessed us. We take for granted that it was someone else who did the helping. We fail to realize that it was God who put that person in our life. So take a moment from your busy day today and stop. Take that moment and tell Him “Thanks Dad”. You won't believe who much He will bless you more.

Today, Rainman & I are doing the cooking. We have all the usual stuff planned for dinner. Turkey, stuffing, green bean casserole, yams and rolls with pumpkin and pecan pie. We'll eat early (around 2:00) so around 7:00 we can have another round. Then tomorrow, it's back to eating lean again.

I wish you all a wonderful day. I hope you are able to enjoy the day with family and friends and share the love. Tune in next time when I begins a short series on some Christmas stories.

Peace & Love

Ride Hard or Stay Home

Pig

Hey Y'all,

Pig here, time once again for a little grunt and chat. I know that it has been awhile since you all have heard from me. My only excuse for being gone so long is I have been a little busy. But have no fear for your buddy Pig is still around to give you that great feeling you have been missing.

Today's subject for my little piglet's: C H R I S T M A S

Oh yeah, I know Christmas may be the last thing you want to hear right now, unless I have insider news for you concerning those beloved Black Friday sales you are all anxious about. Sorry I don't have any info like that. I do, however, have a feeling that some of you may look upon Christmas with a certain annoyance, be it, Christmas is the one day out of the year that is celebrated by all. It is also the time of year where a lot of us tend to go a little overboard with our spending for gifts and other things. I will talk more on that in a bit, but first I want to take a moment to describe to you what Christmas looks like from a Pigs Point of View.

Pig's Point of View

Christmas has always been a wonderful time of year, no other time of the year will you have all the colors, the smells and aromas mixed in with warm, loving feelings. All this coupled with the building of anticipation inside of you for the up coming day. We all become a little giddy with smiles that suddenly appear on our faces for no reason. We know that as the time ticks away there will be delicious food to enjoy (pounds we put on), all the presents to open (money we spend that we don't have), children smiling and laughing bustling with excitement (more like being whiny brats out of control). There will be parties to attend (with hangovers included), and don't forget the family gatherings to be had (more like time spent arguing with people you don't wish to be stuck with). Does any of that sound familiar? I'm sorry if any of that may have sounded a little negative. I didn't mean to hurt anyone's about Christmas feelings so please allow me to explain.

I love Christmas, I really do. I love all of those things I just said. It is just that I don't care for what Christmas has become. “Why Pig, what do you mean by that” you ask? Let me tell you. I used used to be caught up in all the hub-bub of Christmas, I would spend too much money on gifts, I'd party too hard, just all kinds of crazy stuff. But now I have learned to celebrate Christmas for what it truly means, I celebrate the real reason of what Christmas is all about. I would love to tell you all a Christmas story, It's a story that everytime I think of it my soul becomes renewed for Christmas once again. So imagine, if you will, we are all gathered around in the living room, sipping hot chocolate while a warm fire burns in the fireplace as snow falls outside.

Our Story

Our story today begins a few years ago in the month of September. Rainman & I were in our local Wal-Mart picking up a prescription at the pharmacy. From the waiting line you could see the lawn & garden section across the store. Here it was, the middle of September and Christmas stuff was already up Oh it was pretty, it was decorated better than a $2.00 whore. We hadn't even had Halloween yet, let alone Thanksgiving and all the Christmas stuff was planted. You know of course that I started to become a little excited at the thought of Christmas being right around the corner. I wanted to see what style of new stuff they had for outdoor decorating. Hey man, you know you have to get that stuff early and be the first one on the block to have it up. I began to tug on Rainman's pant leg wanting to go over there. He didn't say anything, he just sort of ignored my desire to go see. After we got what we came for I started to go in the direction of lawn and garden,but Rainman was much smarter as he grabbed me by the collar and pulled me the other way towards the exit door. I was heart broke not being allowed to see all the new kind of Christmas decorations they had.

We got into the truck and started to head home, I asked Rainman “who crapped in your Cheerios this morning”?

“What do you mean” he asked?

“Why didn't we look at the Christmas stuff?”

What I didn't know was I was about to get was a full blown visit from the Grinch detailing what Christmas really was. Rainman went on to explain how one must always be careful not to become caught up in all the non Christmas Bulls.... To which I responded I didn't have a clue what he meant by that, how could Christmas trees and outdoor lights be non Christmas Bulls.... I thought for sure he had some screws loose inside that bone-head of his. He went on to tell me something I was not prepared for “Pig, you can never out give the Giver”. He didn't say anything more for the rest of the way home. I of course had no F!#%ing clue what it was that he was talking about. The giver, who was the giver?

After we got home I felt a little more than deflated by what Rainman had said in the truck. My uneasiness inside made me feel that Rainman didn't care for Christmas at all and I just refuse to let that happen with my best buddy. I would rather be caught raping chickens than to let my friend not like Christmas. So that evening, we were working out in the shop on a long term project of rebuilding our dirt bike. Rainman was jamming loud on the radio while he was putting a new piston and ring set in the motor. I took this as the opportunity to talk to him. I grabbed a couple of beers out of the box and climbed up on the workbench and turned down the radio. “Dude”, I said to him as I handed him a cold one, “We need to talk.”

“What's up” he answered.

“What was up with the out give the giver comment this afternoon?”

“I was wondering how long it would take you to ask me that Pig” he answered.

Rainman stopped what he was doing, sat down on the stool and took a good drag off of his beer. He set the bottle down and looked me straight in the face as he began to tell me what Christmas was all about.

Christmas marks the day when we observe the fulfillment of the prophecies of the old testament in the bible. It is the day when God gave us his only begotten Son for the forgiveness of our sins so that we may have everlasting life with Him in Heaven. Christmas is a day when we should let go of all the junk in our lives and celebrate Christ's birth. Rejoice in Him, unite as one body of believers thankful to God for our redemption. For without Christ in our lives, we can never spend our eternity in Heaven.

“Whoa, I didn't know all of that, I just thought Christmas was a day to have a cool party and give out presents to people you like” I answered him.

“Sorry if I busted your bubble about the holiday, but here is the deal,” he began, “I used to get all caught up in the crazy over Christmas.”

“But you still do,” I interrupted. “Every year we go nuts everytime we set up the tree and the lights and stuff, we always go all out.”

“If I may Pig” he asked?

“Sorry, go on” I said taking a drag off my beer.

“Like I said, I used to get caught up in the Christmas trap” Rainman said.

“Trap?” I repeated.

“Yeah, trap. See Pig for so many years the day after Christmas was always a bummer, I would wake up and feel all empty inside, like something was wrong. I felt as though I failed to do enough for Christmas, it was like Christmas came up short.” I would go as far as to remember back in my childhood and remember all of the wonderful Christmases I has as a kid. I also thought back to how great the days after Christmas was too. But when I was no longer a kid, Christmas became a day of responsibility for me.”

“Responsibility, Really?”

“Yeap – had to make sure I had presents under that tree for everyone, even if I couldn't afford it. I felt bad the years I fell short with my giving. Then Ericka came along & I wanted her to have the same kind of Christmases I had. But then again, the day after, I felt like I didn't do enough for the holiday. I could tell that something was not right inside of me. I began to dread the coming of Christmas.”

“Oh wow” I said in complete disbelief, how could anyone dread Christmas?

“It wasn't until an old preacher I used to know got me straightened out.”

“How's that” I asked?

“By sitting down with me and talking, just like you are right now. Now let me ask you a question about the holiday Pig.”

“Shoot” I said.

“Have you ever felt like you have come up short at Christmas?” he asked.

“Well, maybe – I always figured it was the hangover talking” I stated.

Rainman looked straight into my eyes and said “think about it, real hard.”

“Well slap me silly and call me a hooker” I replied with a smile, I then realized I did in fact feel like I came up short. “So tell me, just what did that old preacher tell you?”

“He told me to read the first few chapters of Matthew and Luke in the bible, that is where you need to start at - the fulfillment of the prophecies told in the Old Testament – that is where you will find the true meaning of Christmas. That is where you will find the fulfillment of that empty feeling inside of you.”

“What if I don't understand it” I asked?

“I'll talk you through it – Bottom line is this, Christmas is about the birth of Christ. That's it, it's not about gifts, or trees, or lights. It's about love, making amends and showing someone else that you care.”

“OK, stop right there,” I said coughing from drinking the last of my beer too fast. “Hold on one minute.” I jumped down and got us two more beers from the box. “OK – that last part started to sound just a little hypocritical. You say Christmas is not about gifts and decorations and yet you do just that. Sorry dude, but that sounds like a pig in a poke to me” I said climbing back up on the bench and handed a cold one to Rainman. “Explain yourself mister.”

“Yes, I do all of those things, I enjoy doing them, they make Christmas fun for me, so let me break it down for you. First, the decorations. I buy them after Christmas at 75% off the retail price, I don't let myself get caught up in the frenzy of having to have it now. I only use multicolor decorations because each color represents a reminder of Jesus. Example: the white is for His purity, the red is for His blood spilled, the green for his everlasting life, ECT.”

“Keep going Bubba, your not not of the woods yet” I demanded.

“Second, the gifts, I never buy gifts that I cannot pay for in cash. I feel better knowing I owe no one. I also try to hand make gifts, they have more meaning than a store bought gift. I never ask for any gift for Christmas because no one can ever give me a better gift than what God gave me.

“OK Buckwheat, I'll except that answer , now spill it about the food you eat during the holiday's.”

“OK smart ass” he says to me, “Yeah, if someone has prepared a fine, tasty dish for me to enjoy, well then hell yeah I'll eat that sucker right up, what are you, nuts?”

“Ah-huh, gotcha on that one didn't I?” I taunted him. “You can't fool me. But tell me why you didn't want to look at the Christmas stuff today?”
“Pig, it's like this, big commercial businesses have ground it into our all Americans brains that in order to have a merry Christmas you have to spend lots of money and that makes good profits for them. They know that if they keep pounding on you long enough you will cave in and buy. They want you to think of Christmas as much as possible and by starting early before Halloween, they are placing messages in your brain to buy it now. Make payments, come on, don't you deserve it? You know you want it, just use that credit card and if you don't have a credit card we will give you one. You deserve it, you owe it to yourself. Never mind the fact that you will be paying for it till next Christmas, never mind the 18%-21% interest you'll be paying. Never mind the fact that you just can't afford it. And that my friend is where the emptiness inside of you comes from. You buy and buy till you can't buy anymore and they just robbed you of the true meaning of Christmas.”

“Those bastards.”

“Yeap, they're pretty slick about it, why do you think they play Christmas music in November? Pig, you just need to learn to enjoy Christmas for what it truly is, the birth of the Savior. If you keep that foremost in your Christmas, it will be the best Christmas you ever had.

That year, before we set up anything Christmas, I learned to ask questions about each thing we did to celebrate the holiday. The more I asked is the more that I learned what family traditions were. I learned family history, passed on from generation to generation. That Christmas morning I awoke to have the Merriest of Christmas of them all. My heart was filled with the joy of having the greatest gift of all.

Well that's about for now piglets, tune in later this week for my up coming blog on Thanksgiving.

Ride Hard (that way your mother-in-law falls off)

or stay Home

Pig.

Hey Guys and Gals,

It's your old buddy Pig here. I was just sitting around watching a little TV tonight trying to relax after another busy day. The cats tried to wake me up early to feed them (5:30 AM) but I showed those dumb-asses by throwing a shoe at them. They instead got Rainman up. It was funny, we do this every morning around here. Blue, the male cat, will go over and paw at Rainman's shoulder as if he was saying “Dad, it's time to get up and feed me, come on Dad, wakkkkkke upppppp! Dad, I'm not going away until you do. Rainman will shoo him off by taking a swat at Blue, so then Blue will start clawing at the side of the bed. Rainman will get up and chase him out of the bedroom and close the door. Now one would think that that should be the end of the wake up calls. Nope, What Blue does next is he will start scratching at the bedroom door. He even goes as far as to climb up the door and reach as far as he can, then he runs his nails down the door as if he was running his fingernails down a chalk board. This goes on for another five minutes or so then Rainman will finally get up and feed the dumb cat. I don't know who is the worse, the cat or Rainman.

The early morning culprit

Well like I said, we had a long day, after some coffee this morning, (we had some of that new Almond Joy creamer, it kicks butt) we got mom up and went out for some tacos before church. A couple of Bacon, egg and cheese tacos with some extra hot sauce and we were all set. Had a good time a church, we go to the Open Road Motorcycle Church held at the Deer Crossing Saloon. We had a full crowd there today with some out of town family members, it was good to see everyone there. My point for today's story is this, when it came time for prayer requests, Rainman stood up and asked for prayers for me. This perplexed me somewhat because he said I needed prayer since he brought home a ham yesterday for Thanksgiving and I took it and won't tell him where the ham is. And for that I get chastised for it at church, this great, just great. Keyman is up there telling everyone “Shame on Pig for doing that” Well not really, but I felt that way.

Now, let me explain the situation, you see yesterday Rainman went to the store and bought groceries. He never said anything about buying a ham. When he brought it home, I was helping him unload the bags for the stuff to be put up. I go to open the bag the ham was in, I look inside and saw the ham. I immediately felt ill as I thought I might be looking at what could have been a dead relative of mine. How could someone expect me to allow the dead carcass of one of my own to lay there on the table. It was just wrong. I'm sorry, but it was wrong.

When no one was looking, I took the ham and put it in a safe place so that I would not have to look at it, nor could anyone else eat a possible relative of mine. So after Thanksgiving, I will give the ham back and they can do whatever they want with it.

Meanwhile, after church we dropped mom off at the house and went for a couple hour ride up around Canyon Lake. The fall colors are starting to come in. I was a little worried this year with the drought and all that we would not have a fall season at all. There wasn't very many trees with the color but the ride was still very nice.

That's about all I know for now, BTW, I am working on a series of blogs for Christmas. So check back and be looking for them. I promise you won't be disappointed.

Ride Hard or Stay Home

Pig.