The Background Story of Pig.

Hey Ya'll,

Pig here just saying hello to everyone out there in web land.  When I started working for R.B.C.D., I told them (ie: Ray) that I wanted my own web page as part of my compensation package.  It took a little bit of persuasion but I finally got one, so here it is.  Funny thing is before I got started, they told me I had to provide some background (they called it a profile or whatever) and I had to fill out some form for them.  Now one thing that everyone needs to learn in life is this "NEVER, NEVER, NEVER provide a pig with a sharp object such a a pen or pencil" you never knows what can happen next.

This is my story and I'm sticking to it !!!

I showed up on the scene about 3 or 4 years ago.  You see I grew up on the farm.  Life there was dirty and boring. I didn't like much there.  I had dreams. I wanted to live and make it big in the city.  When I tried to leave the farm, I was quickly apprehended and placed in a high security pen.  Yeah, like that really worked.  As you guessed, I escaped (we pigs tend do things like that).  Like I said I got out of there and I found a road headed toward the city. I hauled ass and never looked back.  Well as the story goes, Stacey was driving along the road when she spotted me hitch hiking, she pulled over and gave me a ride.  Since I didn't have a place to stay, she said I could stay with her and the family until she could get me fattened up a bit.  ( I don't know why she said that, it didn't make any sense)

 

After we got to the house, I was told to make myself at home and that I did.  I made myself at home in the refrigerator, the pantry, the trash cans, flower beds, the couch, the TV (you know how it is with house guests). It didn't take very long before she got all red eyed, steam rolling from her ears pissed at me. And of course I was chased from the house, out the door and into the yard by an enraged woman beating me about with a broom.  And I was forced to stay outside until Ray came home. In which he would promptly let me back in the house where we would plop down in front of the TV with a cold beer.  Stacey informed both of us the importance of picking up after ourselves and after a little training I had the big guy taking care of my mess too.  It's great being a pig, life is so good.

Yeah, life was great at that time. I had it all; food, shelter, clothes, good friends, and someone to wait on me hoof and mouth...  Til one day when I really porked the pig on the whole thing.  Unbelievable how one little party brought it all to an end for me. 

Well, what happened was one day while everyone was gone to work, I decided to invite a few friends over to hang out & watch some TV.  Three biker buddies later turned into their girlfriend coming over showing up with a few more tagging along.  I guess you could say that it turned into a party.  Now the party was going just fine, everyone was well behaved, that is until some dude named "Jack" showed up.  To this day I still don't remember what that Jack cat looked like but the party sure was fun after he showed up.  You know those bikers sure can get it on!

Well I guess it really was my fault for the whole thing, I did invite the first three over, I didn’t stop people from coming over and I was the one who lost track of time when I should have ended the party.  What happened next was so unreal, to this day I still shutter when I think about it.  I was up in the bedroom with two lovely ladies when all of the sudden I heard this loud screaming and yelling for people to get out of the house.  I couldn't recognize the voice, it sounded familiar but I wasn't sure. I could hear it getting closer screaming my name, but still I wasn't sure who it was.  Then suddenly the bedroom door burst open. Kind of like when the cops come in, ya know.  Only this was much worse than the cops (I had wished it was the cops ).  No Instead of the cops it was Stacey. When she saw me lying there in her bed with those two girls (I forgot to mention it was her room I was in) I saw that familiar red eyed, steam rolling look she gets with a broom in her hand.  Only this time she turned the broom over and was ready to use the stick on me instead.

As she began to scream some unintelligent words towards me and I am sure that if I could understand what she was saying I couldn't print them here anyway, my lady friends grabbed their clothes and headed for the door past Stacey leaving me to fend for myself.  Alone and trapped like a rat in a trap I began to think fast.  Using my short height to my advantage I scurried  past her in a flight for freedom dodging every swing of the broom handle.  I almost made it to the door when CRACK, she nailed me with that broom handle right in the shoulder. Flying off balance, I hit the door frame on my way out.  This was no time to stop and feel the pain, she was swing for more.  Hauling butt through the house I could see out of the corner of my eye some of the other damages done to the house.  Beer cans littered everywhere, most of the other damages was just a blur as I was running.  I didn't have time to stop.  I had made it to the outside door, I was through the door, I was free and able to make my big get away when there it was again, CRACK. She hit me dead center in the middle of my head, breaking the stick of the broom with my skull.  I fell & skidded to a stop just one foot shy of the edge of the porch, I was knocked out cold.

When I woke up I looked around and found myself tied to a stake in the yard.  My head was pounding, my chest hurt to breath and my legs were too weak to stand on.  As I began to focus on what was around me, I could begin to make out seeing Ray walk towards me holding a gun in his hand.  Then as he stood next to me, he was laughing, saying something about have spare ribs for dinner and did I have any last words I wished to say.  Oh yeah, I had plenty to say.  I started babbling on about fixing the damages to the house and how sorry I was.  I was talking on and on as though my life depended on it (cause it REALLY WAS).  As he raised the gun aiming it at my poor little bruised head I began to scream.

What happened next is still a little fuzzy to me.  I am not quite sure just exactly what was said to make Ray lower that gun, but now I have to work for free cleaning bikes until ALL of the damages to the house, the food, beer, a new TV, furniture and some other stuff are paid for.

In time I recovered and my bruises healed and eventually I was allowed back into the house.  All though, everywhere I went, I could feel so though someone watching me. And now as I clean motorcycles everyday for a living I can remember the fun we had that day and how famous of a party it has become and smile.  Knowing it was worth every minute.

Hey there ya'll be sure to check out my other pages for the events and rallies we attend.  You never know, You might just fine yourself there with me.

Pig