e-mail answers

Hey Gang,

Pig poker is back again. And time to answer some e-mails. Since Ray won't let me have my own e-mail address, people write to him instead. And of course I have a few things to tidy up. But I am warning you, when I started this blog that I don't sugarcoat my answers to mean people. So without further ado let's roll!

Pig, Can I have your baby? You are the best!!!

Cathy from New York

Wwweeellll.... First would you please send me your pic with your current measurements for further review.

Hey Pig, I need some advice, my momm says that it is time for me to move out and get a place of my own. But I'm not sure if I want to. I'm 32 years old & I like living at home. What should I do?

Robby from Oklahoma City

DUDE Pop your moms tit out of your mouth, dry you chin and grow a pair. WTF

Pig, I need some help, I want to meet some cool biker chicks but every time I get close to one I get nervous, my hands start to shake and I start stuttering my words. These girls just look at me like I'm a freak and laugh at me. Pig, I so bad want to be cool like you. Please help me. Randy from Austin

Ok Dude, I'll help. First thing is you need to relax. Cool biker chicks like a guy who confident with himself and is not afraid to be adventurous. Second. I want you to visit a lady friend of mine who specializes in helping guys like you with girl problems. I can guarantee she will hump those problems away.

Pig, I left my panties at your place from the other night, can I have them back please.

Katelyn

Only if I get a round two babe

Hey fat boy, why don't you try being a little more politically correct towards people. Far too many times you are rude and hurtful. It shows you lack any sensitivity towards other peoples feelings.

I am so sorry that you feel that way (well not really, I don't feel sorry) What I do feel is people who must be “politically correct” are people who are too afraid to tell the truth. I don't pretend that black is gray and that gray is white. I call things for how I see them. Sorry Dude

Pig, i'm so heart broken and need help. I just over heard my boyfriend tell one of his buddies that I'm boring riding on the back of his bike with him. What should I do?

Emily

Emily, next time you are on the back, try it without a bra on and push your nipples straight into your boyfriends back. That should make him a little happier and the ride more interesting. If that doesn't work then at the next bike night, get on stage with the band and do a striptease for the crowd. If that doesn't work then maybe you will find a new boy-toy after your dance who won't think you are so boring.

Hey You Sexy Pig, How can I become one of your piglets?

Abby

I didn't know I had a following. Lets hook up.

Hey Porky, What makes you think your so BADDDD !?! All I see of you for is just some lazy, dumbass pig who sucks up other peoples beer and runs his mouth too much. I think your pink color makes you look like a pussy.

Bikerdaddy

Ouch, that one hurt!!! I don't know what I did to you sir and quite frankly I don't give a rats ass what you think of me either. Opinions are like asses everyone has one and they are all full of S#$%

With that said now it is my turn for my opinion about you. I'm sorry that you blame your parents for all that is wrong with you. And I am sure that if I was given the chance to know you better I would believe more and more that YOUR FATHER SHOULD HAVE PULLED OUT EARLY. Have a nice day

Hey Pig, I was just wondering, you talk a lot about drinking free beer. Do you ever buy your own beer?

Ronald

Yes Ronald, I do buy my own beer. However it is not so easy for me to buy beer whenever I want to. For you see I have trouble sometimes getting served in certain icehouses since I am an animal and there are laws prohibiting me from going in. Lucky for me I have some really good friends who understand my situation and never have a problem with helping a fellow biker brother out. BTW come on over with free beer anytime.

Pony Writes: Hey oniker, what's your favorite TV show?

That would be NCIS. I think that Abbs is the coolest chick ever. I just want to kiss that tat all over on her neck. WOO HOO !!!

Hey Pig, Will you please return my motorcycle. I would like to ride it some time.

Sorry Bud. Next time don't leave the keys in it.

Pig Dude I have just one question for you. What is your favorite kind of chick?

One that can remove chrome from a trailer hitch with her lips.

Well that's about all for today, keep those cards and letters coming

Pig