Old Farts

Hey Everybody,

Pig here, just wanted to stop by and tickle your taste buds with another round of ribs from the pig man himself. The other day I heard Ray walk into the living room where his daughter Ericka was. I heard her standard greeting for him consisting of “Hey Old Fart”. Now I'm not one who really approves calling an elder person names whether they fit or not. I like to reserve my insults more for people closer to my age. They seem to be able to handle them (the insults) a little better. Well, my buddy Ray did handle her insult quite well, he just wrapped his arm around her head and dutch rubbed about two pounds of hair off the top of her head. (quite funny listening to her scream in pain instead of me for a change.)

After the physical insult was completed to Ericka's head, Ray headed out the door and I followed in suit. Ray started cleaning on a bike we had in the shop and I jumped in to help him. I was surprised to see Ray was in a good mood so I asked him why he wasn't ticked about Ericka insulting him like she did. He just smiled, (you know that smile he has, the one where you just know he is up to something) and continued on with his work. A short time later he gave up and started to tell me. Being called an Old Fart is not really an insult if you practice a few simple rules in your life. (“Oh great, here comes another one of his long drawn out lesson on life”)

(Look at that smart man)

Another one of Rays Life Lessons

Actually, it is not a bad thing to be called as you will see.

Old Fart are easy to spot at sporting events.

During the playing of the Star Spangled Banner'

Old Farts removed their caps and stand at attention and sing without embarrassment.

They know the words and believe in them.

Old Farts remember WWII, Pearl Harbor' Guadalcanal,Normandy and Hitler.

They remember the Atomic Age, the Korean war, the Cold War, the jet age and the moon landing.

They remember the 50 plus Peace Keeping missions from 1945 to 2005,

not to mention Vietnam.

If you bump into an Old Fart on the sidewalk he will apologize.

If you pass him on the street he will nod or tip his cap to a lady.

Old Fart trust people and are courtly to women.

Old Farts hold the door for the next person and always, when walking,

make certain the lady is on the inside for protection.

Old Farts get embarrassed if someone curses in front of women and children and don't like foul language in movies or TV.

Old Farts have moral courage and personal integrity.

They seldom brag unless it is about their children or grandchildren.

It's the Old Fart who that our country is protected, not by politicians, but by the young men and women in our military serving their country.

This country needs more Old Farts with their work ethics,

sense of responsibility, pride in their country and decent values.

We need them now more than ever.

Thank God for Old Farts.

I was taught to respect my elders. It's just getting harder to find them.

We continued on finishing up the detail on that bike, we didn't say too much to one another. I was buffing off the last coat of wax when Ray said he was going in to get a glass of iced tea, I told him to bring me a beer on his way back. Ray headed towards the kitchen when I heard this big crash, I ran in to investigate. I found Ray hopping around on one foot cursing under his breath about who left the pantry door open. Ericka came in too to check on Ray, she helped him wobble over to the couch. Ray pulled off his shoe and checked his toe. He couldn't bend it over and the look of pain on his face made me shiver. He told Ericka to rub his foot to see if it would loosen up. Holding his foot up in the air, he then told her to gently pull on his big toe because it was jammed. Well she did and that was when it happened. She pulled and he farted.

Now it was not one of your standard little toots. OH, No Sir, It was one of those Long, LOUD, Window Rattling earth shakers. You know, the type where you expect an earthquake and the house to fall on your head. “Oh GROSS Dad, thanks alot” Ericka screamed at him and ran out of the room, I think I heard her spitting and trying not to puke. All the while Ray just laughed his head off. It was great.

I guess I learned one more of life's lessons from that Old Fart Ray. The lesson is “you better be careful with an Old Fart, they are some sneaky old bastards.

Love to you all

Pig