It's Summer Time Yeah ! ! !

Hey Everybody,

Yeah I know that it has been a while since you all heard from me, sorry about that, I've been a little under the weather since summer has arrived. Yeah, summer is here and boy is that an understatement. For those of you who do not live here in south Texas you could say it has been hot, real, damn hot, so hot you could fry eggs on the sidewalk. It's so hot that sitting in the oven would feel like being in air conditioning. It's so hot that BBQ pits glow in the dark. It's so hot,...well you get the point.

Summertime is always a great time. sxhool is out, the kids are playing, the pools are always full and in the evenings there is always ice cream or maybe a chilled watermelon to enjoy. Summer usually bring vacations or trips to other places, hot chicks in skimpy little outfits and reasons to drink more cold beer.

Yeah, summertime can really be great. That is, unless, you live in the backyard of hell, this fiery heat is melting the fat off of my spare ribs. Now I like I said, there are a lot of neat things about summertime and one of those things is outdoor cooking. (I don't mean frying eggs on the sidewalk). One of my favorite recipes is famunda cheese. That delicate cracker spread that is very popular and so easy to make. If you have never tried it before, you should. It's great for the whole family.

Pigs Famunda Cheese. (Pronouced "From under my nuts)

Prepare the crotchpot

Take one hot day. Outside temperature needs to be 95* +

Wear blue jeans (loose fitting works best)

Go out into the sun and work hard all day (no less than 9 hours)

Be sure to drink a lot of water during the day (You will want to sweat extra hard)

At the end of the work day go inside into the a/c.

Strip off your clothes like you are getting ready to get into the shower.

Walk up behind your wife.

Reach into your underwear and scratch under you nutsack for 30 seconds.

Now test the quality of your cheese by waving your fingertips under your wife's nose. The pungent odor of your cheese will determine who good of a job you did.

A good famunda cheese will receive a review comment of “OH GROSS”.

An excellent famunda cheese will receive several gags and dry heaves.

WARNING: Be careful not to receive a punch in the face, as this could be harmful to the appearance of your face.

After you finish enjoying the sharing of your cheese with others, take a good cool shower with lots of soap and water. Put on a pair of shorts, go sit in your chair and enjoy the rest of your day with a ice cold beer.

Ride Hard Or Stay Home

Pig

To all of my faithful followers, Greetings

It's the Pig again and time for some more pickle tickle with the pig poker. What a day it has been. Since we have been home everything has been a little rough for me. Stacey has been making me sleep outside to try and keep the house clean. That was the start of a bad day today. For you see I sneaked back inside and crashed out on the couch before anyone else got up. Sometime before 8, Ray got up and was walking down the hall when I heard him muttering WTF. I just ignored him and continued to watch a little TV. Ray continued into the living room and started asking me questions about the floor.

“What about the floor, what are you flapping your jaw about now”, I sneered at him. Ray pointed at the floor when he asked me “Why is the floor covered in feathers”? I looked down and grinned, the floor had indeed been covered in feathers. They were everywhere, the hallway, the kitchen, the living room and the front room. Ray asked me who put them there and why didn't I clean them up? “Piss on that, why should I after you make me sleep outside, besides why don't you ask the cat what happened”.

Ray just walked out of the room and got the vacuum cleaner out. He started getting the mess to disappear when he came along the remains of was once a bird. It was all chewed up in pieces, laying in a pile of feathers. Ray quickly got rid of the body and not a moment too soon. Stacey was sleeply coming down the hall/ She needed to know why her sleep was interrupted by the whirling of the vacuum. She never said one word. She just looked in horror at the mess on the floor and gave Ray the same look and looked back down at the floor and back up to Ray.

Ray tried to tell her that it must have been the cat. But she would have none of it, not her precious cat could be guilty of such a horrible crime. Instead she just took one look at me and proceeded to beat me on the head just like she always does when she is mad at me. She chased me out of the house and into my pen pounding my head the whole time. She finally stopped used me for a punching bag and headed off to the house. I could hear the two of them going at it over the mess inside so I resolved to just keep to myself for the rest of the day. It might be beneficial to my health.

The morning turned into an afternoon of heat and humidity (I miss the Wisconsin weather, it was so much nicer). It was around 4 when I finally seen Ray come out into the backyard. He was lighting the grill to do a little BBQ. Boy oh boy, that means roasted corn on the cob. Oh that gorgeous, golden yellow ear of corn with melted butter and good shake of salt. Oh I can just taste it now. Ray got the grill hot and loaded it up before he came over to let me out of my pen. We went up and sat down on the porch when Ray handed me a frosty cold Sam Adams Cherry Wheat beer.

I used the bottle as an ice pack on my sore head for a few moments before consuming that bubbly brew. Wanting to know what else was on the grill, I lifted up the lid and found to a horror of my own that there was no corn on the cob on the grill. I slammed the lid down. My heart was not broken, it was shattered. How could he not make corn for me. I bet that mean & rotten Stacey had something to do with it. But just to be sure I checked under the lid once more. I was about to become very sick. There was not steak on that grill, no, no steak. Instead there was PORK BABY BACK RIBS. Those could have belonged to one of my cousins. Gross.

Dejected, sick and wobbly I limped back to my pen to lay down. What a day. When everything was done Ray carried it all inside for them to eat. I just stayed outside and let them enjoy it.

Let them enjoy.

Enjoy.

They get to enjoy dinner while I stay out here in the heat, hungry and not feeling well at all.

Enjoy

Enjoy my ass !!!

Blue, the cat was laying on the back porch as I spied another bird in the yard. It was a nice, fat, plump gray dove. I looked at the cat and then back at the dove as the wheels began to turn inside my head.

Enjoy my ass !!!

Enjoy?!?

Oh yes, I will enjoy this. I caught that bird and trotted up to the porch. I handed that bird to the cat and opened the dog door for him. With the live bird in his mouth, the cat walked into the house and proceeded to kill and eat the bird right there in the dining room as they ate their prize rib dinner.

Enjoying dinner my good friends?

What I heard next is best described only sweet revenge can give. I could hear Ray yelling “Oh My God, oh how GROSS. And the best thing I heard was Stacey BLOWING GROCERIES all over the table at the sight of that cat eating that bird right there in her house. I laughed so hard I pissed myself.

I guess this day wasn't so bad after all.

Time to put a stop to it now!!!

Hello Everyone, Ray Here.

Thanks for stopping by Pigs Blog. I am writing today because I received an e-mail concerning WWII and history that really touched my heart and I feel that I need to share it with you all. I know that Pig is not a political blogger and I am not asking him to become one either. However, things that have happened in the past all happen for a reason. We cannot change what has happened in our own past and we cannot ignore history. We need to keep history true and pure. Let's get to the e-mail.

When I was a kid, I couldn't understand why Eisenhower was so popular.
Maybe this will explain why.

General Eisenhower Warned Us

It is a matter of history that when the Supreme Commander of the
Allied Forces, General Dwight Eisenhower, found the victims of the
death camps he ordered all possible photographs to be taken, and for
the German people from surrounding villages to be ushered through
the camps and even made to bury the dead.

He did this because he said in words to this effect:

'Get it all on record now - get the films - get the witnesses -because
somewhere down the road of history some bastard will get up and say
that this never happened'

This week, the UK debated whether to remove The Holocaust from its
school curriculum because it 'offends' the Muslim population which
claims it never occurred. It is not removed as yet.. However, this
is
a frightening portent of the fear that is gripping the world and how
easily each country is giving into it.

It is now more than 60 years after the Second World War in Europe
ended. This e-mail is being sent as a memorial chain, in memory of
the,6 million Jews, 20 million Russians, 10 million Christians, and
1,900 Catholic priests Who were 'murdered, raped, burned, starved,
beat, experimented on and humiliated' while the German people looked
the other way!

Now, more than ever, with Iran , among others, claiming the Holocaust
to be 'a myth,' it is imperative to make sure the world never
forgets.


This e-mail is intended to reach 400 million people! Be a link in
the
memorial chain and help distribute this around the world.

How many years will it be before the attack on the World Trade Center
'NEVER HAPPENED',

Because it offends some Muslim in the U.S. ???

FREEDOM ISN'T FREE...SOMEONE HAD TO PAY FOR IT
 

Because it offends some Muslims here in the U.S.???

Freedom isn't free, someone had to pay for it.

History teaches us everything we need to know. It is called experiance.  Without it you wouldn't know how to move one foot in front of the other. We must keep in mind things that have happened in the past to be able to move forward in the future. If you forget what has happened in the past you are doomed for history to repeat itself. Just because a few people chose to believe the holocaust did not happen does not give them the right rewrite ANYONE'S history book. If this is allowed to happen what is the next item they chose to believe didn't happen. I'm sorry if thier demeaner of hatered towards the Jewish nation is thier top priorty, it is not mine.  Speak up now America! Take your country back and refuse to let anyone push you around!!!

You can always e-mail me or Pig at ray@raysbikecleananddetail.com Have a great day and be proud of America

I'm Sorry

Hey Gang, Pig Here.

Well we made it home last night from our road trip. It sure was good to get home. Well it was good until I walked inside the house. Upon entry, we found that Stacey had cleaned the house from top to bottom. When that happens it means that I end up sleeping outside in the pen. Stacey has this thing about pigs making a mess in the house. Great, here we go again. After a night outside I was allowed back into the house (that is after Ray came home).

I sat down and wrote my next blog and realized that I owe everyone an apology. I had written the blog and was ready to publish it when Ray looked it over and said that I was wrong for saying what it said. I asked what was wrong with it and I was informed that I missed a lot during the trip. So everyone out there who reads these words “I, Pig, hereby apologize for any and all negative statements I have made during the trip”. See I wrote about how bad the trip was. What I failed to see during the trip was how much we were following the old “Route 66”. It appears that while I was too busy crying over the rain and boredom, I didn't see any of the old signs or the old buildings. But the reality of it is I didn't even know anything about Route 66 other than recognition of the highway emblem.

After Ray proof read my first blog, he suggested that I google Route 66 and see what I find. I did just that. WOW, you wouldn't believe some of the history behind the Route. I found out that it was created in 1926, linking Chicago, IL. to Santa Monica CA. Then decommissioned in 1965 with the creation of the interstate highway. The road was lined with the old mom and pop motels, eateries of different kinds and LOTS of neon. It was a time in America when men & women ventured out into the great unknown and what they found was the real America.

My brief bit of research found a vast mountain of information and history behind Route 66 that won't allow me to post it all here. I wish I had known about the route before we left on our trip, I would have paid more attention to it and maybe we could have taken a few sections of the old road. Ray has a Route 66 patch on his vest and I never knew what it meant. As I continued to dig deeper and deeper into Route 66, I began to have a burning sensation down in my gut. (No, its not VD) I now have the desire to find the old route and relive some of Americas past. I realize now that I have a new mission in life. Call it a mission from God. The mission I have chosen is to plan a new road trip (on the bike) retracing the old road. It will take some time to do this as I need more research in the planning the route.

If anyone out there is interested in knowing some of the info I find, shoot me a comment or e-mail and I will blog it when I get a chance. If anyone is interested in going on this road trip then gear up and lets go. Hmmmm, maybe our road trip to Wisconsin wasn't a total waste after all

Call me, we'll do lunch

Pig

"If you ever plan to motor west,

Travel my way,

Take the highway that's the best,

Get your kicks on Route 66"

road trip update

Hey Guys, Pig here. Time for another road trip update.

The last time we talked I left off that we were about to pull into Manitowoc, WI. Well to make a long story short, we did arrive at Manitowoc. We were there for tow days while Ray and Sergio took some training and picked up some new equipment. I wasn't allowed to tag along so my job was to man the hotel room and guard it will my life. My second job was not to get caught in the room by the hotel. I was able to accomplish that on the first day by watching TV and eating Cheetos all day. It was rather boring and I got into trouble from Sergio when he came in and saw Cheetos dust on his bed, so on the second day I sneaked out and headed over to Stocks Harley Davidson. I was lucky that the shop was only ½ mile from the hotel.

While I hung out, I was able to hook up with a couple of nice sales girls. Pam and Ashley were very nice to talk to. We had a great time exchanging stories of life on the road in our own states. I didn't know that they don't have a once a week bike night in Manitowoc. The girls got a little jealous when I told them about our bikes nights (multiple nights) and how much fun they are. Their type of bike night is jumping on your bike and riding to your favorite bar with no fun things to do but drink beer. It started to get late and I needed to go. As I headed out the door I was able to give each of the girls a kiss goodbye along with me phone number. I hope they come to Texas and give me a call.

The boys had finished up their stuff and they were ready to head home. The truck was loaded and we head out of town. We were pulling a 16' trailer loaded with equipment as we moved down I43 towards Milwaukee. I have to say this about Wisconsin, I love the state. They have such beautiful farms and country side. The people are great, so friendly and kind and the food is good. However, the roads on the interstate SUCK!!! Because of the freezing they get in the winter causes the roads to be VERY bumpy. Now when I say bumpy I mean you bounce so hard and so much that you can feel your kidney pile up in the back of your throat. We rattled down the road so bad, after 45 minutes of driving, Ray pulled into a Home Depot parking lot to check all of the nuts and bolts on the trailer. We drove to the Illinois state line and stopped for the night. We got a motel room at a place that looked ok on the outside but once we got into our room it was a different story. The boys were too tired to complain about the A/C not working and the plumbing leaks in the bathroom. They just crashed for the night. I choose to sleep in the truck. It was cool outside and I was able to avoid Rays chainsaw like snoring.

At 5:15 in the morning I was awaken with a suitcase being thrown on top of me (how nice of them) and we headed out. Doesn't anyone ever sleep late anymore?They really drive me nuts with that crap of getting up with the chickens. It takes all the fun out of life. Illinois still sucked with the speed limits and road construction. I was really glad to get out of there. As we got closer to St. Louis Ray said that we would stop at White Castle to eat. Now the day was looking better. For those of you who don't know what a White Castle is I shall enlighten you with detailed description that will give you the cravings. White Castle are a brand of hamburger that has been around for the past 50 or so years. You can only find them in certain northern states. They are square shaped about 2 1/2” x 2 1/2”. The meat is very thin and has five small holes in it. What makes a White Castle so good is the fact that they are steam cooked over diced onions. As the meat is finished being cooked the buns are placed over the meat to soak up some of the flavor. They add some cheese and pickle and you have a White Castle. The best way to order them is to order 4 double cheese with and order of the krinle cut fries with cheese melted on them and a large coke. OH man is that ever the BOMB.

Now you can have them for breakfast, lunch or even dinner, but the best time to have them is after a night of heavy partying. They really top off the evening well. Did you ever see the movie Harold and Kumar go to White Castle. The perfect ending. Well anyway, we were finally in St. Louis and were cutting across the city on I 44 when we came up on Lindbergh Blvd. A quick exit and the first right turn and we were there. Of course I had to wait in the truck (since I am a pig and they ave their rules) while they went inside and ate. Ray did bring me a sack load when he came back out.

I could smell them. That aroma can not be mistaken. Nothing else in this world smells the same as those tasty little sliders (they are also called belly bombers, stomach strippers, butt burners along with a whole list of other names) After 5 days on the road, bearing the hardship of lousy weather and bad roads, being left outside during mealtime, sleeping in the truck and being bored out of my F#$%!@# mind, I finally have them. As Ray handed me the sack full of those tonsil teasers along with my coke the only words I could say was “Thank You God”. The truck was fired up and we headed down the road. As I sat in the backseat I would slowly remove a burger from the sack, breath in the tasty aroma and enjoyed each heavenly bite until they were all gone. I washed them all down with the last of the coke.

“Pig, how where they”?

“Barrrrrrippp”, as I let out a load and thundering belch that rattled the windows of the truck.

“Glad you liked them Bud”

I was happy and content. The only thing better would be to get laid.

We continued to cruise home through Missouri. It was about Springfield when it all started. The castles had worked through the digestive systems of all three of us. Powered by onion and pickles the level of gas escaping from are asses was on the rise. The duration of fart blasting was a difficult contest to win,since all three of us were trying to outdo the other. Now those guys were able to produce some pretty good farts of a guy. However they just did have the mustard like I did (Yes mustard is the key ingredient in producing a good long lasting fart. I was farting so good that poor Sergio had to hang his head out the window until the air cleared. He is such an amateur. Well guys, that's the latest from the road. Tomorrow night we should be back home in SA. I'll let you all know what else happens.

Ride Hard or Stay Home

Pig

NASCAR UPDATE

Hey all you pig pokers out there,

It's time once again for some facts of life from the most non politically correct pig, but you gotta love me !

I was drinking beer & watching Letterman the other night and he had his top 10 reasons why there are no black NASCAR drivers. Now some of you may be slightly offended. Well that's just too bad, I thought this was funny.  What makes this so funny is it is true!

David Letterman's Top 10 reasons why there are no black
NASCAR drivers:

# 10  Have to sit upright while driving.

# 9  Pistol won't stay under front seat.

# 8  Engine noise drowns out the rap music.

# 7  Pit crew can't work on car while holding up pants
at the same time.

# 6  They keep trying to carjack Dale Earnhardt Jr.

# 5  Police cars on track interfere with race.

# 4  No passenger seat for the Ho.

# 3  No Cadillacs approved for competition.

# 2  When they crash their cars, they bail out & run.

AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY BLACKS CAN'T BE IN
NASCAR..............

# 1  They Can't wear their helmets sideways.

Gotta love Letterman

Ride Hard or Stay Home
Pig

Road trip day 3

Well Gang,

it is now day three of the road trip and things are not getting any better. Ray got in late last night and I had to sit outside in the rain. At least he brought me something to eat. It was potato skins, I love potato skins with melted cheese on top and sour cream. That made me feel better, that is until I open them up. They came with BACON BITS on top, what is up with that sh$%. Now I feel real good.

We hit the road about 6:30 am. I was stuck in the back seat with the luggage, it was raining and cold. Great way to start the day. To add to my misery, the guys skipped breakfast to get on the road. The weather was really depressing and the ride was even more boring. The state of Illinois is nothing more than flat farm land and the only thing you see is the curvature of the earth. There were speed traps everywhere with state cops and those new photo enforcement cameras. The icing on the cake was the speed limit was only 65mph. Land of Lincoln was more like the land of the living dead. I think I will kill myself before this trip is over.

It wasn't until we came into a town call Normal, IL. What is normal anyway. What a name for a town. Once we got past (being) normal Ray was able to turn off the windshield wipers. A short while later the sun came out and the sun glasses came on. The sunshine was beginning to make things feel better. We were coming up on Peoria IL and pulled into a rest area. When we got out of the truck this guys walks up and offers to clean our windshield. It turned out to be a motorcycle group working the rest areas with IDOT promoting motorcycle awareness to other drivers for the month of May. We all struck up a conversation with them and had a great time talking with them. I got my picture taken with them and we invited them to come to Texas. This day may start to look better yet.

We finally made it to the state of Wisconsin about noon time. We pulled off in a town called Bleot and into a buffet style restaurant. Bring it on, I'm hungry. Ray pulled the truck into a parking space and what I saw there I still cannot believe it. There was a young walking walking right towards us. She was holding a infant in her arms and after we all did a double look. We realized she had shirt up and was breast feeding the kid while she walked across the parking lot. This is so great!!! I jumped out of the truck, walked up to her and asked her if I could have a toke off of her other tit.

I woke up laying on the parking lot about 5-10 minutes later. I looked around and didn't see anyone around. I got up and walked into the restaurant and sat down with the guys. The waitress brought me a bag of ice for my jaw without me even asking. She said she felt sorry for me getting slugged like that in front of the whole restaurant and figured I needed it. She had never seen someone go down with one punch from a woman breastfeeding a baby before. Thanks Flo, I love your biscuits too.

Back on the road, we approached Milwaukee my jaw still hurt and I had a pounding headache. Ray took an exit just past the downtown area and turned left. I jumped up between the front seats, commented that I didn't see a gas station at this exit and asked why did we pull off. Ray just turned to me and smiled. Yep, in all of my pain and misery of getting my face rearranged I forgot why I was here. The boys felt bad for me and decided we should stop at the Harley Davidson factory for me to get my picture.

We found the factory without too much trouble. It only took 10 miles through the (brothers) side of town. A lot of stares were shot our way, it must have been the Texas plates on the truck. Well we did find it and got our pictures taken in front of it. I was happy, even if it was Sunday and the place was closed. I can now say I have seen the birth place of the Harley Davidson factory. We jumped back into the truck and made another trip back through brotherville back to the highway. Another hour in the truck and we were in Manitowoc WI.

Life is good. Enjoy the moment and savor the flavor.

Pig